Children Learn What They Live

This appeared in the January 2011 Excelsior.

A few decades ago, a poem became well known. It went like this.

Children Learn What They Live

If a child lives with criticism,

he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility,

he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule,

he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame,

he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance,

he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement,

he learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise,

he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness,

he learns justice.

If a child lives with security,

He learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval,

He learns to like himself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,

he learns to find love in the world.

——

It was Henry Ford who once said, "Whether you think you can or can't, you're right." Ford understood the power of expectations. As adults, we would do well to remember that children will find and reach our expectations for them wherever we place them, high in the sky or way down in the gutter.

In beginning to flesh out the eight components of our emerging college-going culture last year, we in KPS recognized high expectations as particularly important by placing them at the top of our list. One could argue about the order of the remaining seven, but it's hard not to put high expectations for students and staff first. Our eight college-going culture components are: 

• High expectations for students and staff
• Higher education exposure
• Meaningful and engaging homework
• Literacy: language development, reading, and writing
• Substantial opportunities for meaningful parental involvement
• Education that is relevant to, reflective of, and inclusive of students
• Development of strong problem-solving skills
• Development of success skills: metacognitive, note-taking, study, time management, organizational, and test-taking skills

Children draw conclusions about what adults--parents, teachers, and others--think of them based on seemingly small things: smiles, frowns, laughs, grimaces, children chosen in class, those not chosen. They are quick to make judgments, but then so are we as adults.

One child told me that a teacher didn't like the student (or think the student capable) because the teacher would always look at the student (or so it seemed) when the teacher suggested that those in need should seek extra help before or after school. Another child remembered a teacher assigning the child several devil roles in a row in an English class. An old colleague of mine remembered his father, long since dead, who used to tell him as a child that he couldn't pour liquid out of a boot. 

While these incidents chipped away at these children, other incidents--those about high rather than low expectations--set children on a better path. I remember a student who was assigned a major role in a play...at about the time the student was trying to figure out who s/he was. Another student made a sports team freshman year and the coaching of and confidence in the student led to a long winning streak. A third student joined a speech and debate team because she was too shy to speak in class....and with some coaching and high expectations for her ended up qualifying for nationals.

On the ceiling or on the floor, children will find our expectations for them, which is why we as adults--parents, grandparents, educators, coaches, and others--need to be particularly careful about what we expect, or appear to expect, of them. That's not just my wish....it's what I expect of adults that interact with children, as parents/guardians, educators, or any other meaningful role in a child's life. It's not just my expectation: it's the increasingly high expectation of many in the community.

Our kids deserve high expectations, and we are capable of providing them...and making children capable of these expectations at the same time. Kids will help us: you can be sure of it.

Michael F. Rice, Ph.D.
Superintendent
Kalamazoo Public Schools

The poem Children Learn What They Live © Dorothy Law Nolte